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What Excellent College Essays Have in Common

❶I was given a remarkable amount of freedom at a young age.

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Different things to different people, as the situation demanded. I learned to adapt. Back then, these techniques were merely reactions undertaken to ensure my survival.

But one day this fall, Dr. Hicks, our Head of School, asked me a question that he hoped all seniors would reflect on throughout the year: The question caught me off guard, much like the question posed to me in Laredo. Then, I realized I knew the answer. I knew why the coat hanger had been handed to me.

Growing up as the middle child in my family, I was a vital participant in a thing I did not govern, in the company of people I did not choose. You participate by letting go of the small stuff, not expecting order and perfection, and facing the unexpected with confidence, optimism, and preparedness.

My family experience taught me to face a serendipitous world with confidence. I had never broken into a car before. In just eight words, we get: Is he headed for a life of crime? Is he about to be scared straight? Notice how whenever he can, Stephen uses a more specific, descriptive word in place of a more generic one. Details also help us visualize the emotions of the people in the scene.

Finally, the detail of actual speech makes the scene pop. Instead of writing that the other guy asked him to unlock the van, Stephen has the guy actually say his own words in a way that sounds like a teenager talking. They could also mean any number of things—violence, abandonment, poverty, mental instability. Obviously, knowing how to clean burning oil is not high on the list of things every 9-year-old needs to know. To emphasize this, Stephen uses sarcasm by bringing up a situation that is clearly over-the-top: The humor also feels relaxed.

This helps keep the tone meaningful and serious rather than flippant. This connection of past experience to current maturity and self-knowledge is a key element in all successful personal essays.

But using too many of these ready-made expressions runs the risk of clouding out your own voice and replacing it with something expected and boring.

We combine world-class admissions counselors with our data-driven, proprietary admissions strategies. We know what kinds of students colleges want to admit. We want to get you admitted to your dream schools. Learn more about PrepScholar Admissions to maximize your chance of getting in. I have always loved riding in cars. As I grew, and graduated into the shotgun seat, it became natural and enjoyable to look out the window.

Seeing my world passing by through that smudged glass, I would daydream what I could do with it. In elementary school, I already knew my career path: I was going to be Emperor of the World.

While I sat in the car and watched the miles pass by, I developed the plan for my empire. I reasoned that, for the world to run smoothly, it would have to look presentable. I would assign people, aptly named Fixer-Uppers, to fix everything that needed fixing. That old man down the street with chipping paint on his house would have a fresh coat in no time. The boy who accidentally tossed his Frisbee onto the roof of the school would get it back.

The big pothole on Elm Street that my mother managed to hit every single day on the way to school would be filled-in. It made perfect sense! I was like a ten-year-old FDR. I always pictured a Fixer-Upper as a smiling man in an orange T-Shirt. Maybe instead, a Fixer-Upper could be a tall girl with a deep love for Yankee Candles. Maybe it could be me. Bridget the Fixer-Upper will be slightly different than the imaginary one who paints houses and fetches Frisbees.

I was lucky enough to discover what I am passionate about when I was a freshman in high school. On my first day, I learned that it was for developmentally-disabled students. To be honest, I was really nervous. Long story short, I got hooked.

Three years have passed helping out in APE and eventually becoming a teacher in the Applied Behavior Analysis summer program. I love working with the students and watching them progress. Instead, I told him I wanted to become a board-certified behavior analyst.

A BCBA helps develop learning plans for students with autism and other disabilities. Basically, I would get to do what I love for the rest of my life. He laughed and told me that it was a nice change that a seventeen-year-old knew so specifically what she wanted to do.

I smiled, thanked him, and left. But it occurred to me that, while my desired occupation was decided, my true goal in life was still to become a Fixer-Upper.

My childhood self would appreciate that. Bridget takes a somewhat different approach than Stephen, but her essay is just as detailed and engaging. The essay is arranged chronologically. Bridget starts each paragraph with a clear signpost of where we are in time:. I wanted to become a board-certified behavior analyst.

It helps that the metaphor is a very clear one: Every childhood Fixer-Upper ever. Ask your parents to explain the back row to you. This essay uses many techniques that make Bridget sound genuine and make the reader feel like we already know her. The second technique is the way Bridget coins her own terms, carrying them through the whole essay. It would be easy enough to simply describe the people she imagined in childhood as helpers or assistants, and to simply say that as a child she wanted to rule the world.

The third technique is to use sentences of varying length, syntax, and structure. However, at key moments, Bridget emphasizes that the reader needs to sit up and pay attention by switching to short, colloquial, differently punctuated, and sometimes fragmented sentences. The last key moment that gets the small-sentence treatment is the emotional crux of the essay. As we watch Bridget go from nervously trying to help disabled students to falling in love with this specialty field, she undercuts the potential sappiness of the moment by relying on changed-up sentence length and slang: The best essays convey emotions just as clearly as this image.

Explain the car connection better. It would be great to either connect this into the essay more, or to take it out altogether and create more space for something else. It would take the focus off of her and possibly read as offensive or condescending. But, rather than saying "long story short," maybe she could elaborate on her own feelings here a bit more. What is it about this kind of teaching that she loves?

What is she hoping to bring to the lives of her future clients? How can you use this discussion to better your own college essay? Here are some suggestions for ways to use this resource effectively. Make a note whenever you find an essay or part of an essay that you think was particularly well-written, and think about what you like about it. Does it help you really get to know the writer? Does it show what makes the writer unique? Once you have your list, keep it next to you while writing your essay to remind yourself to try and use those same techniques in your own essay.

It can either be very dramatic did you survive a plane crash? I strive to do the same. This thirst-for-knowledge theme is intertwined in every example of the essay.

From the get-go, his passions are very clearly communicated, which is great. The writing is very straightforward and methodological, almost like the author we imagine him to be.

Based on this essay we know exactly the type of person the author is. The essay, in other words, paints a very good picture of our author. The introduction could be a little more hooky. But, a hooky introduction would make the essay more dynamic and give it some voice.

Because the essay is a bit too dry at the moment, some added voice would really give the essay a boost. This is perfectly fine. However, it would be best if there was one good, juicy story to convey his message instead of a few small stories. The point of any good conclusion is to tie together any loose ends. It leaves me wanting a bit more from him. His innate curiosity drives him to be successful and happy?

There are tons of better concluding statements than that one. At the end of the day, yes, the author got into Stanford. Fascinated, sort of except not really In this essay, the author exhibits these personality traits: Passion for engineering and electronics Clarity of thought and organization Natural curiosity College Essay Strengths:


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Top 42 Successful Stanford Essays. to me is that those who cannot otherwise provide safety and security for themselves are given the appropriate help. To me, this matter manifested itself in the form of animals. Read the top 42 college essays that worked at Stanford and more. Learn more. Buy Now. Stanford University Facts.

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Here’s a college application essay example by a student* who was accepted to Stanford. *Not a student of Winning Ivy Prep. Most children acquire the same eye color or a similar shaped nose from their parents, but I’ve inherited much more: a passion for learning and an insatiable curiosity which has served me well throughout my academic .

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The Stanford essay questions are located in the Stanford Questions section of the Common Application and in the Stanford Application Questions section of the Coalition Application. Coalition Application Personal Statement. Application and Essays. You must submit the Stanford Questions online through the Coalition or Common Application. When you apply to Stanford, you apply to the university as a whole, not to a particular major, department or school. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your .

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Nov 17,  · MY ACCEPTED STANFORD ESSAYS (and other essay/application advice) Su At Su. 5 Activities That Don't Help Your College Application My Stats and College Essay/Application Advice. Please note that some of these college essay examples may be responding to prompts that are no longer in use. 7 Common Application essays from applicants admitted to Stanford, Duke, Connecticut College, NYU, Carleton College, Want to build the best possible college application? We can help.